I'm tired

It's been getting harder lately. Getting up it's like walking through hell. Being awake hurts, I can't stop thinking but I can't concentrate on a single thought. And it isn't new, but I think it's getting worse, and I don't know if I'm gonna make it to October. Everyone is just so loud about everything. The smallest things make me cry and feel betrayed and hated even although I know there's a lot of people who love me, who thinks good things about me. I see it, but at the same time, nothing seems real anymore. I feel like I have to anchor myself to the world to stay here. I'm dizzy most of the time and my head hurts as a background sound, I hurt like a background sound. There are a lot of things that are supposed to make me happy, but why do I have to force myself to get them, to be there, to enjoy? I said I would try, and I did, but it seems like I'm not getting anywhere like I'm only getting worse. It doesn't feel worth it. I'm tired all the time. I just wanna rest.