Another fear

We had a nice day. So I got really scared.

I'm scared because I think you love me only because you don't know everything. 

I'm scared of it. 

Because you haven't seen me like that, when I'm in the dark and I can't barely talk. 

You haven't seen me when I can't breathe and I can't think of anything. You haven't seen me at my lowest, when I'm smaller and lonely and cold and when I don't deserve your love.

So I'm just the funny friend, the one you like. 

What if you all really hate me? What will I do?

What happens when everyone starts to see me for what I really am? What if I'm a monster and you hate me?

I'll be alone. 

I'll be just that kind girl who seems nice but she really isn't. 

I'm sorry I go to these dark places. I'm sorry I don't know how to talk about it. I'm sorry I'm such a mess, such a bad friend.