2days

I was really proud of myself, I was able to be okay, maybe even happy yesterday.

Now it's gone. 

I'm still broken.

How the most dangerous thing is to love

The sun

I've missed you.

Your words today gave me everything. I felt closer to you. I feel like protected by you. And loved. 

And you called me like that again. You made me so happy. 

Thank you. 

Ily. 

Another fear

We had a nice day. So I got really scared.

I'm scared because I think you love me only because you don't know everything. 

I'm scared of it. 

Because you haven't seen me like that, when I'm in the dark and I can't barely talk. 

You haven't seen me when I can't breathe and I can't think of anything. You haven't seen me at my lowest, when I'm smaller and lonely and cold and when I don't deserve your love.

So I'm just the funny friend, the one you like. 

What if you all really hate me? What will I do?

What happens when everyone starts to see me for what I really am? What if I'm a monster and you hate me?

I'll be alone. 

I'll be just that kind girl who seems nice but she really isn't. 

I'm sorry I go to these dark places. I'm sorry I don't know how to talk about it. I'm sorry I'm such a mess, such a bad friend.