empty

It's here again. It never really went away. It's like having a hole in the middle of my chest and never being able to fill it up. And you try and sometimes it looks like it's okay and you feel whole and normal but it's only temporary. The emptiness always comes back and eats you from the inside out and it hurts like hell.

Somethings are meant to be. 

I know it's gonna be like this forever. I just have to live with it and keep myself distracted from it. I just have to turn off and feel less and be less. Sometimes it's easier to just let the blood do its work. To let pain take control and shut down. Nothing makes sense, it never did. I'm just waiting to be gone, like the coward I am. 

So yeah. Sorry for bothering you. It was never my intention. 

Distance

I don't know when we grew apart. I almost didn't notice. And I blame myself every time I think about it. I don't know why, but it is my fault, isn't it? But sorry, I don't have the courage to talk about it. It's stupid, I know — we used to talk so much. I trusted you so so much. I think you did too. Hell, I'm sorry. 

I miss the nickname you gave me. Made me feel better about myself, made me feel love. I liked the way I was in your eyes. Like I was worth it.

Sometimes I miss you. I wish I was another kind of human — a better one. I wish I deserved you.

And I felt left behind. And I know that was my fault too. But I still feel like that — I can't help it I'm so sorry.

I just hope you still think I'm worth it. I just hope that I still get to have a little place in your heart.

I'm sorry, for everything.

I love you.